Woody and the Academy….
Okay – so I am going to bring it up – the subject that –
along with conversations about college rape – seems to piss off a number of my
male friends. Woody Allen.
So I don’t know Woody and I don’t know Mia and I don’t
personally know any of their kids. So I can’t say who’s a bitch or who’s an
evil monster and who did what to who behind closed doors.
But I haven’t seen a Woody Allen movie in 20 years – and yes,
its because of Soon-yi.
Now a 35 year age gap will give cause for questioning, sorry
but that’s part of the deal. Not saying its proof of anything or that it cannot
be surmounted, but just saying that 35 years is a big difference. But even that
is not my issue.
My issue is about boundaries and respect. Farrow and Allen
had been partners of some kind, sexually involved partners, even up to the
point in time where she found photos of Soon- Yi taken by Allen. Soon- Yi was
of age at that time – over 18 but Farrow and
Allen were still in a some sort of a relationship – and we don’t know
when or how the relationship began. If
Allen wanted out from Farrow and decided that Soon-Yi was his true life partner
then the healthy action would be to break off his relationship with Farrow, not
see Soon-Yi for a year while dating others (and likewise for her) – and then,
if there was still a commitment to each other start dating. Now I know – they have
been supposedly happily married now for 20 years and so that’s proof that they were
meant to be. Unfortunately, no. Because
its really isn’t just about the two of them.
The definition of family has changed a lot – adoption, same
sex marriages, surrogacy, and other situations give rise to a much more complex
set of relationships. I am all for these changes and respect the love that is
inherent in most of them. But I also respect the fact that it can be confusing.
If I am dating a man - even if its just
steady dating – he is my ‘partner’ and his relationship to my children is
filtered through my relationship to him – regardless if they see him as a
father or not. So, even if he doesn’t
adopt them or we don’t marry – there he is with ‘the mom’. If I discover he’s
having a sexual relationship with my daughter – he’s violated the position of
privilege he has in my family through me. And let me assure you – it would get
ugly with me.
On top of that the intensity of a relationship with a man of
56 when the woman is 21 – even if it is grounded in mutual love – needs to be
taken slowly and carefully. A 21 year old – boy or girl – is still formulating
life choices. And they are still sorting out things – their own sexuality,
their self image and identity. The relationship may end up working (as does
Allens) but that is not the point.
My children should not feel sexualized by my partners – that
is the one thing they should not have to contend with. I know too many women
who have had to deal with older male relatives and family friends who acted
inappropriately – touching, kissing, fondling, and sex – and those women paid
for it dearly – telling me that they felt
shame, guilt, embarrassment, powerlessness, and confusion. Even if a 21
year old woman wanted the relationship, a wise man would give her the room to
create her own identity. Surely Allen could understand the psychological
implications of his behavior – for Mia, for Soon-Yi and for the other kids and for
children in similar families - and surely he would consider that as a public
figure being thoughtful about this might make a difference. (yes, I know – that
‘s a crazy thought – that anyone in the public eye would see themselves as a
role model)
Now I thought about the reverse of this – because interestingly
the vast majority of my male friends have told me that, when they were teens,
they had had sexual liaisons with the friends mothers. These guys all spoke of
the experience as fun, affirming of virility, hot, powerful. Maybe they are
full of shit – but even so, its how they see the whole scenario – this is a
notch in the belt thing and not a victim thing. Of course unless it’s a Priest
who’s getting into your pants….
So the women feel victimized and the men like conquerors. Its
no wonder men think that Mia is a ‘bitch’ and wink wink on Woody’s woody.
But do I really care? Hollywood hasn’t exactly acted like a
moral compass in this regard, Roman Polanski wasn’t able to pick up award for
director – as he is hiding out in France.
Hollywood, politics and the upper echelon (and sometimes the lower) of
business are filled with trysts and assignations. Monica Lewinsky was in her
early 20’s and while I thought the relationship was wrong because of Hillary I
didn’t think it made him a bad President, just a typical one.
So can I separate these two things – the behavior of the
person and the art they create? Allen is an unquestionably talented man, his
work has gotten great praise and the last film I saw – Annie Hall – was excellent.
So I began to think more on this – Nabokov was a great writer, and I read
Lolita, Hemingway & Picasso were womanizers and yet I enjoy both of their
works. Balthus has an exhibition at the
Met (if you don’t know of Balthus Google his name and The Guitar Lesson). And Duck Dynasty is back on the air.
So maybe art doesn’t have any moral responsibility.
And yet we applaud those in Hollywood who stood up the
McCarthy commission. And we sang Revolution by the Beatles. And the Israeli
orchestra does not play Wagner.
So it looks like I will be giving Mr. Allens movies a pass
still, since the last voice I have in America is how I spend my dollar. And the
academy – they can do what they want. Meantime I am going to worry about the
really inconsequential things like poverty, health care and climate change. Oh,
and supporting women rights.
